Gettin' it done.

I love lists. I love making lists and I especially enjoy checking things off the list! In my job I make a lot of lists but rarely get to check things off. Something always comes up that needs to be dealt with immediately while the rest of the day's list has to wait. Most of the projects I work on are long and on-going and never really have a check-point-ending. It frustrates the list checker in me to no end. Lately, I haven't been good about checking things off my personal/spiritual checklists either. So this week, I decided to step up my check marks- personal, spiritual, and professional!

On Sunday, church was awesome! I worshiped at New Life, where normally we only have about 5-10 folks in attendance. This week we had several visitors and a volunteer group show up. Those pews were packed! It was pretty great to sit among that gathering after all the quiet weeks of late. Then my bud Kerry stuck around to finish the deck building project started a bit ago outside my trailer. I was extremely helpful in that process. I forced him to teach me everything about it because I am still determined to pick up as much construction knowledge as possible while I am down here. Can you believe it was my first time using a power-nailer-thing? Oh darn, what is it called? And it only took three air compressors to get the job done. We ended up eating a late lunch sitting on my new deck with my dog. I'm really a trailer girl now!

My work week started on Monday with meetings and home visits galore. I've got some help for the next I-don't-know-how-long in the form of one of our long-term volunteers, Kaitlyn. Right now we're doing a lot of training and chatting and I am thrilled about it. On Monday Kaitlyn joined me for the meetings and home visits. That night I picked up a few pals and went to an 80s roller skating party hosted by a new friend who works for another recovery agency on the Coast. I'm still nursing a blister on my ankle and a sore tummy from all the laughing!

Tuesday brought the arrival of some PDA big-wigs and do-gooders for some planning and brainstorming. Now, I realize that I am running the risk of returning to my old Pollyanna ways, but I was encouraged and energized by the meeting. I was just there to listen, but they were thoughtful and asked good questions and wanted suggestions from ground staff. The crew stayed for dinner in the Village where we all ate with the volunteers who are in town this week from Missouri (which I always pronounce as Misery because my sister who lived there taught me that, but I don't do that now because these folks brought good food with them so now that state is cool with me).

Today I made arrangements to get my car into the shop next week for repairs from the accident I had right before Christmas. Then there were more long term recovery meetings and lots and lots of phone calls. Some of those phone calls worked out some details of jobs we've been stuck on for a while! I followed that up with some play time with Eddie, The Wonder Dog (that's what I am calling him now that he's figured out how to play soccer AND carry two tennis balls in his mouth at the same time), and dinner and a great movie with a great pal. (Have you seen Juno? I loved it!)

Tomorrow Kaitlyn and I have a full day of home visits followed by an attempt at a Mardi Gras parade (weather permitting). Friday I'll be working paperwork and phones at one of our Villages and then cleaning my trailer like a mad-woman to prepare for the arrival of my best buds for a visit this weekend!

So I still haven't made a dent in the 6 half-read books beside my bed, or found funding for all the homes on which we're working, or done my laundry, or cultivated world peace, but I did get a few things done this week and that'll due for now!

Good News!

The trailer furnace man fixed my heat today! It's been a week of cold nights in this tin box I call home. Eddie and I are quite happy and warm as we head for bed tonight.

Sweet dreams....

Home Sick

I've been nursing a chest cold for several days now. Today it proved too tough to fight so I stayed home from work. I've now spent more hours than I can count in my trailer and here is what I learned:

---I still love HGTV. The House Hunters marathon made my day.
---My trailer couch is not comfortable enough for a 4 hour nap.
---I was one smart cookie for buying that space heater yesterday.
---I will not let Eddie try wet dog food again. The gas fumes are too dangerous.
---Sometimes I really should break down and take the medicine. Just take it!
---11 daytime hours in a trailer is really too much.

A whole new level of geekiness

Just noticed that I posted that blog below on one laptop, while cuing up a DVD on the other laptop and checking emails on the Blackberry.

Scary.

But I guess I'm okay, since all that was done from the comfort of my travel-trailer by the railroad tracks in southern Mississippi.

Right?

Just for Fun

I welcomed Eddie into my life (and my trailer) about a month and a half ago. Since then, we've had lots of fun and just a few little fights. He's already moved past his scared, calm days and is now in full high-energy, learning-new-tricks puppy mode. When I returned home from dinner tonight I noticed that he again had snuck into the shower and found himself a treat in the form of my face soap. I started compiling a mental list of things Eddie has eaten/crewed beyond recognition since moving into the Sprinter. The list cracked me up, so I thought I should share it here:

1. A loofah
2. My Life is Good flip flops
3. Two tubes of face soap
4. My sunglasses
5. Linda's computer power cord
6. About 12 rawhide bones
7. 1/2 a stalk of celery (a whole stalk fell to the floor, I was curious to see what he'd do- not much- apparently doesn't care for veggies)
8. My swim suit
9. The ankle zipper out of my favorite sweatpants
10. A razor he jumped for in the shower
11. The shower liner
12. 20 plastic grocery bags in one sitting
13. Two cardboard boxes
14. One ornament off my Christmas Tree
15. Seven socks, including Lauren's Christmas socks on Christmas morning
16. The corner of my couch
17. A plastic measuring cup
18. My copy of Into The Wild
19. An empty cigarette box he found by the street
20. HIS BED!

Down and Up Again

Mical left the Coast today. He's the second of three great pals/co-workers who are moving on this month. It breaks my heart to see them go, but I know they've all got great adventures ahead of them. I've been missing Lauren something terrible since she left last week. And I am just bummed.

But two things really cheered me up today:

First, I spent the day in the office with our new Interim Volunteer Village Coordinator who was really kicking into gear. She just arrived last night and has already made a huge impact on our operations. It is so great to have a strong new set of hands on the team.

Then, I got home from work to find my two great pals, Dan and Kerry, building me a deck. It was dark, and getting late, but they had the glow of the truck headlights to keep working! I've been the only trailer in the Village without a deck since I moved in and my grassy, wet feet are sad about that every day. Dan and Kerry went out of their way to get me a deck today- TODAY- because they knew how bummed I've been. And that's not it. They did it in style. You see, most of the fellas we work with here spend weeks without shaving. Mical was famous for coming up with fun facial hair patterns. For months I've been begging one of them to rock the mustache alone! None would do it. Finally, last week, Kerry challenged Dan and I on it and asked me to grow a sharpie-'stache in exchange for Dan's real 'stache. Well, when I arrived home today, not only were they building the deck, but they were building while rocking their mustaches! I haven't laughed that hard in months. Dan looked horrible. Really creepy. You could hardly tell that Kerry had a 'stache, but the gesture was well worth it! Dan made me promise not to put the photos up on Facebook, but he said nothing about this blog, so here you go....










And yes, I did come through with my end of the deal. Here's me with a Sharpie-Stache:



Dan, Kerry- I love you, love you, love you!

The start of a pattern?

Yes, another great day to report on!

This week was another doozey, but today I took the day off. Really off. All day! If was my first full day off since Christmas Day and it was very, very nice:

Slept in until 8:30.
Walked Dog.
3 loads of laundry.
Took down Christmas decorations, but left the tree up.
Taught dog how to catch a frisbee.
Sat outside in a t-shirt and shorts, soaking in the sun, with no bugs, while reading and petting the dog.
Margaritas in the sun with Dan around 2:30.
Kerry brought over new stairs for my trailer! No more falling for me and Ed!
Went out to watch football with the gang.
Came back to the village and watched more football with the gang.
In bed by 10:30pm.

And now for a change....

...a good day to share with you!

I fell like I spend most of my blogging life whining. Do I? Wow, I sure hope not. So, in an effort to share some of the highs- here you go.

Today, after being woken up at 2:45 am by the call from one of our village managers who was reporting that they were evacuating the volunteers from their camp due to tornado warnings but that their designated safe location was locked and so they planned instead to ride out the warning time in a local Wal-Mart, and the subsequent wake-up call at 4:00 am saying that they'd made it back to the village and safely back to bed, tornado-free., and after saying good-bye to a great friend who moved away from the coast today, I shared in some minor successes that deserve some major celebration:

I had a productive meeting with a homeowner, volunteer, and long-term volunteer where we actually made a plan to make a home livable for the homeowner. We found resources to provide a skilled volunteer team with materials to finish out the work for one of the many, many homeowners down here who are so sick of waiting to get back into their homes that they are moving in before the work is done (read: electricity/plumbing).

Then I went to a long term recovery meeting where I think I finally, finally made the right connection to set some of our homeowners up with some real, tangible help in the coming months. This particular agency has been under some major changes in the past month and today I got to see the progress in action. It gave me some much needed hope.

I had lunch with our HQ team and our National Coordinator. Lately, I've been dreading our HQ meetings- they've been dragging on and tugging hard on the emotions. But today we spoke, joked, and got some business done. It felt good.

I had a good walk with the pup after lunch (always a treat).

I went back to the office and made a dent in my way-over-due paperwork pile.

I received an email from a departed volunteer who is considering plans to return!

I called my friend/pastor from MD and stumbled into the middle of our church mission committee meeting- so I got to share this great day with folks from home that I miss so dearly.

I hunkered down in the trailer, tucked in with the pup and watched a really good movie.

I'll take a Wednesday like this one (minus the early morning evacuation stuff and the friend leaving me stuff) any time!

FYI

The Redskins ended an inspirational run for the playoffs with a thud last night by losing thier Wild Card game in blazing fashion. Eddie and I are pretty shaken up by it, but the 70 degree weather outside today sure is helping to heal our broken hearts.

This weekend I am spending most of my time helping to prepare Villages for the return of volunteers while also helping one of our long-term volunteers (and a dear, dear friend) pack to leave the Coast. She's moving to Chicago. I hear it's a bit colder than 70 degress there. Think she knows?

It doesn't get easier. Why don't they tell you that?!

How DO you spend the day on the third anniversary of your little sister's death? I wish Oprah would provide a show on this so I wouldn't have to muddle through it without a guide. Since The Mighty O didn't spell it out for me, this is what became of my today:


6:30 am Alarm clock goes off. Hit snooze.
6:33 am BlackBerry alarm goes off. Hit snooze.
(This set repeats for another 11 minutes.)

6:44 am Rise. Back very sore. Eyes are puffy from crying last night. Not a good start. Dear friend who slept over is still kind of asleep. Quietly dress and take dog out for morning walk, convinced that if the day is kicked off with quiet, reflection, and prayer that it will go well- calm, cool, collected--- not raging and crying. Right. Good plan.

6:47 am Outside. Realize that I am way under dressed for this frigid Mississippi morning. Decide not to go back to the trailer- convinced that once moving will be warmer.

6:48 am Crap. It's so cold. Tuck face into hoodie and hands into sleeves. If I cry while walking the tears will freeze to my face. That won't be pleasant. Talk myself out of crying. I mean it. Oh, remind myself to bring cups to morning meeting as requested. Must remember cups.

7:35 am Return from morning walk completely frozen. Feed frozen dog. Shower, if only to thaw out. Flip the TV on to SportsCenter while trying to talk myself into the day. Laugh when the SportCenter guy sings the Snowmeiser song while covering last night's outdoor hockey game. Good- laughing- Good.

7:51 am Receive email that my ride to my morning meeting will be late. Find 17 other things to do to keep busy for 15 minutes, as not to have empty time and space for mind to wander. Delete emails from BlackBerry, clip toenails, straighten up living room, pile laundry, organize mail, etc. Busy, busy, busy. No crying. Good.

8:15 am Meet my ride to go to the meeting. Can it really still be that cold outside? Pile into giant truck for bumpy ride to Pearlington. This oughtta be good on the sore back. Break out the BlackBerry for the morning round of emails while in the car. What did people do before multi-tasking became popular? Their minds must have wandered and then they cried. Silly single-taskers.

8:30 am Freak out when sappy Kenny Chesney song comes on the radio. Remember that Chesney is lame and that you should not ever cry during one of his whiny songs, even if it is the one that always makes you think of your sister. Try to stop crying. Look out the window. No crying. Turn the radio dial. Chesney is on every station. How is that possible? Find a station with no Chesney. It's Big and Rich and they're screaming about saving horses and riding cowboys. Sing along about riding a cowboy- it is a sure way to stop the tears. Chuckle when sweet, 6'5", non-country-loving friend who's driving the truck starts singing along about riding a cowboy so I don't feel bad. Good friend.

8:58 am After arriving in Pearlington, sit in the truck a moment to pray for patience. Remember that it is not all about you today, even though you wish it were. The world goes on. This day and every day -- for all of us. Deal with it.

9:00 am Meeting with Village Staff in Pearlington. We have to meet in the kitchen because it is the only place warm enough that we can talk without teeth chattering. Meeting's not great, but there's no crying. Feeling a bit accomplished.

10:10 am Overnight guest is driving out of Mississippi, stopping by to say farewell in Pearlington. Mumble awkward goodbye before escaping to solitude in the truck to wait for driver to be ready to go. No room in my heart for drama, goodbyes, or other people's emotions today. I've got me and mine to worry about.

10:20 am Drive back to Gulfport with sweet, 6'5", non-country-loving, cowboy-riding-song-singing friend who tolerates my insane bursts of crying, anger, laughter, ridiculousness, gossip and rage. Tumble out of the truck to get supplies for a new volunteer and to check that someone is going to make a propane run today so I'll have heat in the trailer tonight. Welcome back a fun friend who's been out of town for a while. Proud of self for having pulled it together to appear normal for a bit. Get annoyed with myself for being proud of having pulled it together. It's been three years. Get over it and move on. Sheesh.

11:30 am Head to the office. Sit in the car emailing on BlackBerry while waiting for co-worker/confidant who will join in to carpool to lunch.

11:48 am Head to lunch with co-worker/confidant who is also having a bad day, week, month, etc. Listen to her share her bummer of a New Year's Eve. She receives a call that we both need to be on an important conference call in 30 minutes, wherever we are. Good thing we've got BlackBerries. Crap! Forgot the cups this morning. Frustrated with self for being forgetful today. Make arrangements for some one else to take care of The Great Cup Crisis of 2008.

12:30 pm While enjoying THE BEST sweet potato fries ever made, listen in to conference call where a huge bomb is dropped on our agency. Sit in shock. Marvel over how The Church sometimes just doesn't get it. Wonder how I can be involved in such a church. Feel totally powerless to help. Waves of frustration and confusion seep in. Finish fries. Head back to the office - very deflated.

1:30 pm Spend the afternoon in the office working on creating training documents and standardized paperwork. Don't have what I need to finish. Boil with frustration. Turn on radio, turn off radio. Get up, sit down, get up, sit down. Nothing is comfortable, nothing is working. Phone and email ringing off the hook. So quick to anger. Prayer for patience earlier needs repeating. Not interested in prayer currently. Wow. Push through.

4:30 pm Give up on working. Run out to pick up a cake for tomorrow's all-staff meeting and to buy some utility knives for new staff. Home Depot only has one Husky knife. Lowes has none. Urg. Irrational anger at the sub-par stocking habits of home repair supply warehouses consumes me. Decide after bad luck there not to try get the cake tonight. Decide to be done with the day. Just done.

5:20 pm Arrive back in the Village in time to set up car pooling for tomorrow's meeting, quickly walk dog, check the mail, and snuggle in with Charlie Gibson's Iowa pre-game. Suddenly problems of the nation/world seem silly. I'm the one with real heartache. Idiots.

6:00 pm Heat up departed overnight guest's leftover calzone and teach Eddie to play fetch while watching Hardball at the same time, a trick every dog should master. Matthews does everything he can to test the attention span, but Eddie fetches on. Try to remember the last time work ended in time to catch Hardball. Getting frustrated with thoughts of work so give up trying to remember. Channel surf during the commercials and wonder if Monster.com really does hear my calling calling or if I should quit my current job and try out for CMT's Ultimate Coyote Ugly Contest. Decide that today's not for that kind of thinking.

6:30 pm Give up on TV and the outside world. Slap on the flannel jammies and bunker down in bed with the new laptop and three of the six books that usually just sit, half-read for months at a time, next to the bed.

6:32 pm Soak in the sounds of Eddie gnawing on his bone in the living room while waiting for the computer to fire up. Thank my lucky stars that there is a gentle, loving beast in the trailer tonight. Decide that the gentle, loving beast might could break the rules tonight by receiving permission to sleep IN the bed.

6:35 pm Start preparing a mental list of things to do tonight to occupy a wandering mind. Review the list of things already done today that occupied the wandering mind successfully. Turn that list into a blog. Decide if it is selfish to post such a blog, especially given general inability to talk to live people-style-friend-types about feelings today. Prepare to post it anyway, in an effort to be honest.

7:10 pm The call of the Internet is too tempting. Succumb to the Google to check if Molly's funeral site guest book is still available online. It is. Read through some of the entries. How can it be that it was three years ago when it hurts like it was today? How can there be no more answers, no further closure? Why do people say that time heals these wounds? They make you feel self-indulgent for still hurting after three years; for talking about it too much and crying too much; for allowing it to continue to change a life your trying to survive. Calling family doesn't help because they don't grieve the way you do and don't understand how you feel and you can't relate to where they are in the process either because you're too caught up in yourself anyway. Sit in it. The aloneness is overwhelming. Cry, cry, cry.

7:45 pm There's the noise of the loving beast chewing his bone. He knows nothing of life before or after the event that changed it all. He just chews. Ah, to be a dog.

8:00 pm Give up trying to make sense of anything and hit the lights. Throw on the Gilmore Girls Season 7 DVD to drown out any pangs of reality and try to drift off to sleep without re-opening the meaning of life debate. There's always tomorrow.....

Happy New Year!

Wherever you are, whomever you're with, whatever you are doing.....

May you be blessed with love, work, friends, peace, joy, laughter, football and fun!

Cheers to 2008!!!

Always a cheater.....

So in addition to occasionally writing on this blog, I also read a number of other blogs. One of my favorites is the revgalblogpals. It's my impression that it is really more of an online community than a blog. The revgals show that they are a group of women pastors and church professionals who share with/support one another through the magical medium of the blog. Now, by writing this, I am forced to admit that I am stealing from these women. I am not a member of this community, but regularly peruse their blogs to learn, laugh, ponder, and cry with them.

One of the special weekly treats on the revgals blog is their Friday Five. Each week a member asks all of these blogging women of faith to list five of something on their blogs- sometimes they are funny lists, sometimes they are deeply emotional lists. The lists are always entertaining. This week's Friday Five got me thinking. Since it is the last Friday of the year, Singing Owl (blogging woman of faith's online alter ego) asked the women to list five memorable moments of 2007, giving actual bonus points to anyone who pulled out a warm and fuzzy God moment to share.

The blog assignment, plus the nearing end of the year, plus my general liking of lists got me going on this...so I decided to play, even though I'm not listed on the roster.

Here's what I got- my five memorable moments of the year:

1. The day I spent crying over my job, only to return home to a letter in the mailbox, from a homeowner, who said that she felt God had left her in my hands. That letter that changed my tour with disaster work forever and has carried me through every difficult day I've had on the Coast.

2. The spontaneous BBQ at the Handsboro apartment. Sharing instant fun with people I love dearly....unplanned, unstructured, undeniably the best moment of the spring!

3. My church's mission trip to the Gulf Coast. Their love and support throughout this year was so powerful. But having them here on the Coast, seeing it all through their eyes, seeing their relationships grow- there's nothing like that and I'll never have the right words to describe how it inspired me.

4. My cousin's wedding this summer in MA. My mother's side of the family is pretty tight. We gather as a group of 40 or more each year for Thanksgiving. But that is about the only time the whole gang is together. Except for my sister's funeral three years ago. The wedding this summer felt like a real release. The family celebrated, really celebrated, with joy and love again. It changed everything about how we talk, walk, and play together. I also got to spend some quality one on one time with some cousins that I've always wanted to know better. And the wedding itself. The idea of two people standing before God and everyone they love and making a commitment to one another in faith, hope and love- it still gets me- every time!

5. My first trip to Ghost Ranch, NM. A sunrise hike to the top of Chimney Rock, an afternoon jaunt to a dirty cave, the group challenge up Kitchen Mesa, and some quality alone time.

6. The ongoing lesson in humility, and through that- forgiveness- that I've been living since arriving on the Gulf Coast. I've seen some of the ugliest and most beautiful parts of my own character come out down here, and I've seen all of that in others as well. A whole new world of gray is opening up every day. I've begged God for years to teach me to forgive. I think the daily failures I experience here are teaching me how to forgive myself, and then others. It's a fantastic start..... and an answer to a whole lot of prayer.


Okay, there's my list. It's six. Not five. I cheated on my stolen assignment. And it's no longer Friday. Fooey!

Sometimes pictures say it better

Click here to take a look at Christmas 2007- in my trailer.

Since my last blog...

...we held a memorial service in honor of Rich. It was as beautiful as a memorial service can be. It's going to take a while for everyone to heal. And that's just speaking for his PDA family here on the coast, most of whom had only known him for 3-12 months. His funeral was held in his hometown in Ohio last Saturday. PDA Gulf Coast staff was unable to attend that service because...

...we went on retreat in Gulf Shores, AL. In what has now become an annual tradition for our staff and long-term volunteers, we had scheduled this retreat more than a month ago, and given recent events, we felt we all really needed some quiet time together. We enjoyed fabulous beach weather, tasty meals, some quality board game time and even gathered to watch White Christmas together. It was just the refreshing retreat we all needed after a busy fall and an emotional December.

...I went to see the Singing Christmas Tree.

...I attended the home dedication for house that PDA volunteers have been working on through one of our partnerships. Talk about coming home for the holidays!

...I became a house-sitter extraordinaire! I've been hanging at a friend's house all week while she and her family are on a cruise. I'm enjoying the space, the real shower, and all of her sweet animals. Eddie is making some new friends over here and there haven't been too many issues between him and the cats.

...My mom surprised me with a visit. She's staying through Christmas morning. She can't believe how warm it is here.

...I was in a minor car accident, which left me in bed for two days with a sore neck. I'm very thankful it wasn't too bad and that the lady who hit me has insurance.

...I didn't get my Christmas Cards out on time. See above. Expect yours next week.

...Mom and I visited the live nativity scene across the street. They had a real camel. A CAMEL!

...I finally, finally feel like I may be ready to celebrate Christmas. It's almost here!!!

Hoping for Peace

This morning, for the second Sunday of advent, we lit the candle of peace.


I'm not feeling the peace right now.


Let me back up.


Wednesday afternoon, I received some tough news from home. My family has been battling for information about my sister's death with the hospital, insurance company, and radiology company for almost three years. This week, my family reached a settlement, but it came without answers. I hadn't been very involved in the process, but the minute it became final, my heart ripped open. I will never know what happened to Molly. For almost three years, I've told myself I didn't care. I do. I care so much that I can hardly breathe. And that's how I have to continue, because we'll never, never know. My mom won't know. Molly's daughter won't know. It's more than I can handle.


On Thursday, we had a regular staff meeting. We started saying good bye to our coordinator, Rich, and two long-term volunteers who have become great friends. There were a few tears and a few laughs, but most of the goodbyes were to be saved for our beach retreat planned for next weekend. I bought a cake for these three lovely men, but as we got busy with the business of meeting, I forgot to take the cake out of the fridge and we never ate it.


Friday morning, I woke up early to have my four problematic wisdom teeth removed. Driving back from the oral surgeon's office, I received an email about an emergency meeting. We drove into the village and nearly the entire PDA volunteer force was gathered around the fire pit. I was still a bit foggy from the surgery, and stumbled into my trailer. Wilf and Virginia came in and shared the shocking news that Rich had been killed a one-car accident overnight. My head cleared and my heart sank. I've been a mix of denial, sadness, anger and fear ever since that moment.


Rich Cozzone was a man of faith and service. His job, like many of ours, had him driving all over the coast all the time. Bad weather, bad roads, blackberries on, crazy supplies falling from trucks, long hours, rushed schedules....


But it was Rich! It couldn't possibly happen to one of us. It just couldn't. And I was just talking with him. I mean, the man lives in the trailer next to me! We just spent time sanding the walls of a local church where he told me the story of how he met his wife. We've struggled and served next to each other these past few months, and now he's not there. And I'm just the girl who's known him for a few months. Rich leaves behind a wife, three young-adult children, a grandchild on the way, hundreds of students, and dozens of teams of volunteers, just to start the list.....


I don't understand. I can't find the peace. The joy of this season is lost on me right now.


Most weeks, this work, this place, is full of the highs and the lows. We live our entire existence in the extreme struggles and successes of lives in recovery. The beauty of people working together balances the lack of funding for building materials. Watching volunteers and homeowners from totally different backgrounds befriending one-another eases the thoughts of families spending a third Christmas in a FEMA trailer. These rationalizations are my attempt at making peace in this environment, in my own limitations, and in those of my community.


But how do you explain these seemingly senseless losses? How do you make peace with the untimely death of a family member? How do you go on without asking why? Without asking how? Where's the peace in that? I don't see it right now.

I'm angry. I am so sad. I am totally lost. And as I am writing this, I am realizing that I am also totally selfish. This shouldn't be a blog about me. It should be a prayer request for Rich's family back in Ohio and the PDA family here on the Coast. It should be a sweet letter of celebration of the life of a tender-hearted man. But I keep finding myself stuck in my own questions and doubts. It's a mess. I'm a mess. And not very peaceful. Not one bit. I want to be done with advent this year. Done.



But last week, when we started this advent season, we lit the candle of hope. And there is something I've always loved about the tradition of lighting advent candles. The quiet, the ritual, the symbolism, yes, yes, yes. But mostly, I love that each candle is a part of the whole, eventually guiding us to the Light of Christ. Even in that little circle of 5 candles, it is a journey. And that journey has an order. The peace candle can't be lit before the hope candle. That equation would never work out. So for tonight, the second Sunday of advent, instead of lighting the peace candle, in my heart I'll keep that hope candle lit. I'll keep a hope that even though I don't feel it right now, the peace candle isn't too far away after all. And maybe, maybe, maybe, through this dark time, I can keep trying to walk the journey toward that light.

In the past 72 hours I have....

...decorated my trailer for Christmas.
...been totally inspired by a New Life Church member.
...changed another flat tire.
...cried over friends who've left the coast recently.
...completely enjoyed being with good friends who are still here.
...met with a homeowner who's getting paperwork together to apply for funding to repair her home.
...burned one grilled cheese sandwich.
...only eaten one Big Bopper. (good job!)
...watched too much football.
...played way too much snood.
...watched 2 Christmas movies.
...fallen asleep reading the same book three times.
...slept a grand total of 13 hours.
...bowled a 49.
...bowled a 149.
...seen my teeth on tv.
...sanded the walls of a church.
...killed three cockroaches.
...been introduced to a fabulous new team of AmeriCorps volunteers.
...enjoyed breakfast with peacocks.
...forgotten to do laundry.
...argued with a Wal-Mart employee.
...received a handful of the best hugs I've had all fall.
...missed my nieces and nephews terribly, while nursing a sore throat.
...secured funding for two floor repairs.
...welcomed an addition to my home:

Here's to hope....

Recently I was home for Thanksgiving. I was heckled a bit by loving friends and family about not blogging. I decided to get back to it. Then, somehow, another week has blown by. How?

This fall has been rough. I hate that every blog I write starts with some version of that sentence. But then, that is what this is all about. It is hard work. Period. I've never before been a part of something totally new. We're still creating this mass-scale disaster recovery stuff. It is new every day. I don't know how to explain that to people who haven't come down to the Gulf Coast, because it really doesn't make any logical sense, but it is so true. We're still disorganized, under-staffed, under-funded, befuddled, and confused. You'd think that we'd figured some of that out by now, but nope, we're still playing catch up. Whew. So we're busy. Always. Even when there are no volunteers in town. There is simply too much work to do. And I am amazed that ANYTHING gets done. But somehow it does and and that is unbelievably inspiring.

I spent the day Friday in a meeting room with our PDA Gulf Coast HQ team planning and organizing. It was my favorite day of the fall. For the first time in a months, I have hope and energy and I'm excited about our work again. We can do better and, now, I believe we will. It changed my outlook on everything down here. I'm smiling at people in the grocery store again, I sing along with the Christmas music on the radio, I get fired up to go in to the office..... I'm ready!

Bring it.

A Litany of Thanksgiving

Give thanks to the Lord who is good. God's love is everlasting. Come, let us praise God joyfully. Let us come to God with thanksgiving.

For the good world; for things great and small, beautiful and awesome; for seen and unseen splendors;
Thank you, God.

For human life; for talking and moving and thinking together; for common hopes and hardships shared from birth until our dying;
Thank you, God.

For work to do and strength to work; for the comradeship of labor; for exchanges of good humor and encouragement;
Thank you, God.

For marriage; for the mystery and joy of flesh made one; for mutual forgiveness and burdens shared; for secrets kept in love;
Thank you, God.

For family; for living together and eating together; for family amusements and family pleasures;
Thank you, God.

For children; for their energy and curiosity; for their brave play and startling frankness; for their sudden sympathies;
Thank you, God.

For the young; for their high hopes; for their irreverence toward worn-out values; for their search for freedom; for their solemn vows;
Thank you, God.

For growing up and growing old; for wisdom deepened by experience; for rest in leisure; and for time made precious by its passing;
Thank you, God.

For your help in times of doubt and sorrow; for healing our diseases; for preserving us in temptation and danger;
Thank you, God.

For the church into which we have been called; for the good news we receive by Word and Sacrament; for our life together in the Lord;
We praise you, God.

For your Holy Spirit, who guides our steps and brings us gifts of faith and love; who prays in us and prompts our grateful worship;
We praise you, God.

Above all, O God, for your Son Jesus Christ, who lived and died and lives again for our salvation; for our hope in him; and for the joy of serving him;
We thank and praise you, Eternal God, for all your goodness to us.
Give thanks to the Lord, who is good. God's love is everlasting.


from the Book of Common Worship, pg. 792-793

Ten Random Things About Me

There is a bit of tagging going on with this post. From SL and Linda, and now to me......just because it is fun!

Here's what I came up with...some randomness fit for a list:



1. I drive a green Chevy Cavalier that's called Burt. She's a girl. A girl called Burt.

2. I've lived in 5 different states and two countries.

3. I've worked in a cubicle, in a church, in an office with a mountain view, in a school, in a courthouse, at an indoor pool, at an outdoor pool, at a restaurant, inside a historic library, and at the county fair.

4. I've never worked retail.

5. My favorite foods are all orange: Cheetos and mac-n-cheese.

6. I hate the feel of bare mattresses and bare pillows. Sometimes I wear socks on my hands when I change my sheets.

7. I'm quite accident prone. I've broken my arm 5 times, broke my foot and a couple of toes, herniated a disk in my back, and also had major injuries to my knee, ankle, and shoulders.

8. I pick up accents pretty easily. It's because I make fun of the way people talk and then it sticks.

9. I cry. All the time. At birthday parties. At sappy movies. In church. At every wedding. When ESPN puts together sports montages. If I loose my keys. All the time.

10. I love leopard print anything. It's tacky and bold and I just love it. Can't help it. Love, love, love.

Do you blog? Have you done the random list yet? No? Then it is now your turn. Consider yourself tagged, suckers!

And now for some good news!

Click here.